The Identity Quest
December 1, 2020
“All you do is eat, sleep, and watch TV.”
Those were the words from my firstborn, Tyler, his senior year of high school. My response — “I don’t watch TV.” The eating and sleeping parts were correct, however. As a stay-at-home mom with the Empty Nest looming around the corner, I questioned my purpose, feeling a shift in my identity.
For eighteen years, my identity had remained static and something I rarely thought about until one day, I stood in the driveway staring at my youngest son’s taillights disappear around the bend.
Shift.
My chauffeur hat hung forgotten on the wall as Chase drove himself to school, something I’d done for eleven years. A part of me (a large part in all reality) celebrated the sound of my driving chains clattering on the ground. I no longer had to take him to school, pick him up, shuttle him to piano or Ninja Warrior classes. I hadn’t realized how much of my day revolved around driving. But the part of me that wasn’t celebrating felt the shift, a slight tremor deep in my persona. Nothing alarming, just a 3.2 on the Richter scale, but I felt it, none-the-less.
That morning I walked through the front door and breathed in the silence of my home. And the question that bubbled to the surface was, “Now what?”
Shift.
I didn’t have a career that defined me, and almost everything I had done revolved around my kids. I started comparing my life with my friends, who seemed more accomplished than me, who had meaningful projects or jobs. Theodore Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy,” and I felt my joy hissing out of me like a small tear in a balloon.
Thus began my Identity Quest—a search for something to light my fire, a passion that got me out of bed in the morning, an answer to “now what?”
What about you? Have you suffered from an identity shift or crisis? Are you going through a challenge that has you questioning who you are or what your role is? I would love to hear from you.
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29 Comments
Jan 13, 2021 8:14 PM
Chad Swayden says:
I couldn’t be more proud of you! Way to go! Yes I’m biased because I’m your brother but still very proud! Go out and grab your dreams!
Cassie Sanchez says:
Thanks Bro! Appreciate the support and encouragement.
Jan 13, 2021 8:35 PM
Kristi Ingle says:
Cassie, This book fulfills a huge need for women out there. It speaks to so many of us and your opening page definitely peaked my interest. Your writing is heartfelt and relatable. I can’t wait to read more. God will use this in a mighty way!!!! Praying for you and the journey of your masterpiece to shelves everywhere.
Cassie Sanchez says:
Thanks Kristi. The book is actually a romantic fantasy and the main character is an assassin. I do hope God is proud of it, even though it’s not rated PG.
Jan 13, 2021 9:20 PM
Janine says:
Thank you! I do know a lot of Mom’s including myself have felt this way when the last kid leaves the house. It’s amazing when you are faced with days of nothing to do! Arts and Crafts started taking up my time. I can’t wait to read your book!
Cassie Sanchez says:
It is crazy the identity crisis we face, even when we tried to avoid it. I’m glad you have your Arts and Crafts.
Jan 13, 2021 10:45 PM
Russ Mehl says:
Very nicely written. I look forward to reading more!
Cassie Sanchez says:
Thanks Russ. Fingers crossed I get this thing published.
Jan 13, 2021 11:17 PM
Tracey McClain says:
I may just go through an identity crisis when my friend becomes a famous author and doesn’t have time for our walks 🙂 Great into Cassie!!! I may just go through an identity crisis when my friend becomes a famous author and doesn’t have time for our walks 🙂 Great into Cassie!!! I may just go through an identity crisis when my friend becomes a famous author and doesn’t have time for our walks 🙂 Great into Cassie!!! I may just go through an identity crisis when my friend becomes a famous author and doesn’t have time for our walks 🙂 Great into Cassie!!!
Cassie Sanchez says:
Thanks Tracey. You were one of my first Beta readers. So appreciate you!
Jan 14, 2021 12:51 AM
Michaela Chavez says:
After running for office and losing I have found a very big void in my life. It has been most challenging because much like you my entire life currently revolves around my family. Although my kids are only 12 and 14 they are growing quickly. I find myself always questioning what next and who I am?
Cassie Sanchez says:
I so relate and it is hard. I had to try different things that interested me. I even went to classes to become a make-up artist. What do you enjoy doing? What have you always wanted to do? But also remember, what you do doesn’t define who you are. That’s tricky too. Hang in there and keep dreaming. 👍🏼
Jan 14, 2021 1:25 AM
Alicia Bailey says:
Way to go Cassie! I have always wanted to write a book as well. So happy for you!
Cassie Sanchez says:
You should write a book. Jump into the deep end of that pool and go for it!
Jan 14, 2021 4:48 AM
Jan Keller says:
Cassie! You are amazing! Here I thought you were spending all your time on the golf course! 🙂 Can’t wait to read your first book!
Cassie Sanchez says:
Thanks, Jan. Hoping to get back on the course soon.
Jan 14, 2021 8:56 AM
Beth says:
I knew a young woman who talked about writing a romance novel, and swimming with dolphins, but mostly about writing a steamy romance novel. She talked and dreamed for years, as many do. The magic is she took that dream and kicked it around until it caught fire and became reality. Talent, commitment and dedication yielding a dream to fruition is a beautiful thing to witness! “To aspire to a lofty aim and to will the means to that aim,” that is genius❤️
Cassie Sanchez says:
You almost made me cry. Thank you for stoking this dream into reality, for reminding me. ❤️
Jan 14, 2021 11:30 PM
Mary Burt says:
Cassie, you are right on – how many Mothers feel. You are still young and what should you do for the next 20-30 years. What purpose, career is in the future. One exception may be you don’t the energy it takes to start a new business like you would have when you were 30. You have more wisdom and experience than you had when you were 30. Go for what makes you happy!!f
Cassie Sanchez says:
Thanks Mary! The energy part is true and I do hope I have more wisdom now, sometimes I wonder.
Jan 26, 2021 11:46 AM
Karen says:
Cassie, I’m so thrilled for you and excited to see where the Lord takes you on this journey! You are an incredibly talented writer and I LOVED hearing your book, its sooo good!! That will forwever be a precious memory for me!! XOXO
Cassie Sanchez says:
Thank you Karen for walking this path with me. Lots of fun memories for sure!
Mar 17, 2021 4:50 AM
Sheilah says:
You continue to inspire us on countless levels. Way to go beautiful lady. Can’t wait to read your book. ❤️
Cassie Sanchez says:
Thanks, Sheilah! I appreciate you reading this post. The search for purpose really has been a journey and I’m glad I found writing. I would love for you to read my book which should be out around the end of the year. If you haven’t already, sign up for my newsletter to stay in the loop. 😘 Thank you for your support and encouragement.